


The Lupin Family Folly or Black's Christmas Cock-Up

by gryffindorJ



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:18:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindorJ/pseuds/gryffindorJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius lay on the pathetic, sagging sofa nursing what promised to be a stunning headache. It had been a hell of a day, and the fact that he was willingly to lay down on this dreadful thing was a testament to that fact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lupin Family Folly or Black's Christmas Cock-Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cackles_madly](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cackles_madly).



Sirius lay on the pathetic, sagging sofa nursing what promised to be a stunning headache. It had been a hell of a day, and the fact that he was willingly to lay down on this dreadful thing was a testament to that fact.

He wondered if he could convince Remus to get a new one, his treat. The only problem was that he would have to get Tonks to agree to it too, as it was "their" house. Sharing the house was one of the terms of their divorce. They were both opposed to shuttling Teddy between two houses, so they kept this one and split time at it.

Sirius knew that there was no way Tonks would agree to a new sofa. While she and Sirius had once got on quite well, those days were long since past. She couldn’t forgive Sirius for 'winning' Remus and he couldn't forgive her for pining. He couldn't blame her for pining—not pining for Remus was hardly possible—but he still hated it. He wanted to like her for giving Remus Teddy. If Sirius was the axis on which Remus's world spun then Teddy was the sun it went around.

She and Sirius were cordial to each other for Teddy's and Remus's sakes, but that was the best they could do. In fact, Sirius tried to avoid her, something that was not always possible, as he was reminded just earlier today when Sirius had come upon Remus and Tonks having an argument via Floo. Teddy had been sick all night with the flu and Tonks had insisted that Teddy needed his mother. Remus had stood firm and told her that he was just as capable caring for their sick child as she was. Seeing that Remus wasn't going to budge, she had said, in a final attempt to come over, "Well, does he need anything? A potion?"

"No. We have some," Remus had assured her.

"You have the children's one, right?" Tonks had said in a rush.

"Yes. Got some last night. Sirius ran to the all night apothecary at Saint Mungo's while I stayed home with Teddy."

The silence that followed had been palpable. Tonks hadn't known that Sirius was there to spend the week with Remus and Teddy. Although why she hadn't assumed, Sirius couldn't imagine. He and Remus had lived together for almost a year now.

"Sirius is there?" Tonks had said finally, her voice tight.

"Course he is. He's a part of this family too."

Sirius had walked into the room at this point. Remus had been on his knees in front of the fire talking to Tonks, and he had looked up at Sirius in surprise.

"Happy Christmas, Tonks," Sirius had said, leaning over and waving at her face in the fire.

"Happy Christmas," Tonks had said mechanically. "Remus, listen. If he gets worse please Floo me. I'm only worried. I know you are capable."

"Yes, of course."

"I'll let you get on with your day. Bye."

"Happy Christmas, Dora," Remus had said sincerely.

"Happy Christmas, Remus," she had replied, her sadness evident.

See? Sirius had been nice to her. He had even wished her a happy Christmas. Whether his tone had been smug or not was up to interpretation. Maybe he should have notched up his politeness? If he had, maybe she would let him buy a new sofa… _bugger that_ , he thought.

He wasn't going to try and charm her to get his way. He'd just go out and buy a sofa without a word to either of them. He needed to go out for a bit of shopping tomorrow at any rate. He had to get Teddy some better Christmas presents. Ones that actually worked.

Sirius had tried, really hard in fact. He'd spent a fair fortune on trains, some sort of musical thing, a "leap pad," and all the best learning toys for a kid Teddy's age—or at least that's what the woman at the shop had told him. What she hadn't told him was that none of these bleeding things came with the batteries they all needed. Sirius knew about batteries, his motorcycle and car had one, but those were big boxy things, and apparently these toys need specific, little cylindrical types.

Sirius sat for an hour on the floor poking the toys with his wand trying to get them to work without batteries. Remus watched him out of the corner of his eye, pouting, while he played with the one toy that had been a success with Teddy. It was something called "legos." Teddy had adored them, so perhaps Sirius should buy more of those. The sole of his right foot smarted in protest at the thought. He had inadvertently stepped on several of them when they were left on the living room rug. There were not enough curse words in the book to describe how fucking painful that was. Maybe he should stick with wizarding toys from now on and not go off the map with these Muggle things.

Sirius he had to get Teddy the _best_ toys. He knew Andromeda, competitive bitch that she was, would buy Teddy the best of everything and then insist that it stay at her house, thus getting Teddy to whinge constantly to go over there.

Andromeda—yet another relationship that was completely in the toilet. His favourite cousin could not stand the sight of him and made no bones about it, a fact that Sirius was reminded of when Harry came over for Christmas dinner.

Sirius had been sitting on the front step having a fag, trying to will himself into facing the rest of the day.

"Why are you out here?" Harry had asked, sitting down next to him.

"Tried to go to the corner shop and find batteries. You know about batteries? Apparently Muggles need them for everything."

Harry had laughed at him and replied, "I knew that. You know about batteries though. Your motorcycle—"

"My bike has the same battery it did in 1978. I use a few charms to keep it going. I didn't know so many other things ran on them. The shop is out of every size I need."

"Tried to spoil Teddy, did you?" Harry had said, and for the first time Sirius noticed the single package Harry carried in his hand. It was marked for Teddy, and Sirius thought how nice it must feel to not have to go all out. "Don't be hard on yourself. You should see the pile of presents waiting for Teddy at Andromeda's."

"Figure it would be that way," Sirius mumbled as he put his cigarette down and stomped it out with his boot before Vanishing it.

"You certainly are popular at that house. I mentioned I was coming over here next and you would have thought I killed the cat."

"You would have been more popular if you had killed the cat instead of mentioning me. She hates me. She used to hate Remus and then, when he was officially out of that family, she’d decided he wasn't so bad. Now she blames me for bringing ruin to her daughter's _perfect_ life," Sirius said, not bothering to hide his disgust.

Harry chortled, "So, that's not how it was, then? You, riding in and stealing Remus away?"

Sirius stretched out his legs and put his hands behind his head, reclining back on the steps. "If I remember correctly, Moony came knocking on my door, this time around at least," he said. "Glad I answered it. That was a memorable night," he added, grinning.

"Were they still married when this happened?" Harry looked over his shoulder at Sirius.

Sirius cocked a brow and replied, "Is that a question you want answered?"

"Is it?"

"I can tell you. Then you can explain to me why you're spending Christmas morning at the Tonks's house," Sirius replied evenly.

"It was a breakfast thing, it just happened to be _at_ the Tonks' house, I was there with…with other people," Harry had said, choosing his words very carefully.

"Anyone I know? Anyone I'm related to, by chance? Another second cousin of mine?" Sirius said. He sat up and took out his wand to adjust his warming charm, as he was starting to feel a bit cold.

"You going to answer my question?" Harry said, smirking at Sirius.

"Does it matter what the answer is?"

"Not really."

"Well, I reckon I don't need mine answered either. So let's forget it, then, yeah?"

"Right," Harry had replied with a curt nod, but a grin still tugged at the corners of his mouth. _Arse._

Sirius smiled and slung an arm affectionately around Harry. "When it gets important, you'll say something?"

Harry smiled sheepishly and nodded.

That had been the highlight of his day, Sirius thought as he attempted to snuggle further into the couch. Well, the highlight that didn't involve Remus. Talking like that with Harry always made him happy. Their relationship was a bright spot in his life—half best friend and half father-son. He genuinely liked Harry as a friend and could talk with him about almost anything, but despite the fact that Harry was twenty now, Sirius still felt like a parent towards him and hoped he always would.

When they went inside, the day continued being the dung heap it had been earlier. He was setting the table for Christmas dinner while Harry played with Teddy when he heard Remus yelling from the kitchen.

"Black! You promised not to touch the turkey!"

Sirius went in to see the aforementioned bird looking fair toasty in spots. Sirius pointed out that he hadn't _touched_ the turkey, only the flame. He and Remus had argued that morning about the best way to cook the turkey, and Remus had insisted on a light orange flame.

"The idea is to slowly _roast_ the turkey, not burn it to a crisp," Remus had said.

"At this rate it'll be a New Year's turkey not a Christmas turkey," Sirius had pointed out.

"And what do you know about cooking a turkey?" Remus had said, looking at Sirius. Sirius had not been able to look back at him; he had known from Remus's tone that he had been trying not to smile. If they had made eye contact, they would both have burst out laughing.

"I know that a wimpy orange fire isn't going to do it. It needs to be at the very least red, but I am thinking purple would be best."

After this Sirius had taken out his wand to adjust the fire, which had resulted in a scuffle, several oaths, and eventually kissing, and Remus dragging him to the floor to busy his mouth with something other than arguing. Good thing Teddy had still been asleep at that point.

Sirius tried to convince Remus they could just transfigure the turkey to something a little less…dry, but Remus resisted. He didn't trust Sirius to do anything in the kitchen. As it happened, that mistrust was well-earned. He tried, but always to disastrous results. They finally agreed to drench the dry bits in gravy to make them seem juicier.

With the charred bird at the centre of the table, they finally sat down for Christmas dinner, Sirius and his family: Remus, Teddy, and Harry. One look at Teddy and he knew the day was going to go even further south at any moment. His eyes looked watery and red again, the dark circles beneath them more pronounced. The same way he had looked just before his fever hit.

"Daddy!" Teddy cried out, right before he baptized Christmas dinner with the contents of his stomach.

After he Vanished the entire meal, Harry ran out to find take-away for them while Remus and Sirius set to cleaning Teddy up. Remus held a whimpering Teddy in his arms, whispering comforts, while Sirius did his best to clean Teddy with a warm, wet flannel. A cleaning charm was of no use. It tickled, causing Teddy to wiggle uncontrollably, so Sirius stuck to the laborious task of doing it by hand.

Another dose of potion and several stories later, Teddy was finally asleep, fever abating again.

Sirius's back and neck ached, and to top it off, he had eaten his dinner so quickly, hungry as he was, that he was sure he had given himself heartburn.

He rubbed his chest reflexively, trying in vain to push the acid down. The day was a complete wank. He was ready to close his eyes, drift off to sleep, and have it all be over when he heard Remus approaching the living room.

Sirius perked up. Remus would be bringing bowls of Christmas Trifle – the only element of the meal to escape unscathed, as it had been in the kitchen when all hell broke loose. If anything could make this day palatable it was a nice trifle.

Remus walked through the doorway, two glasses tinkling with ice in his hands.

"No trifle?" Sirius said.

"You were right. I should have put more brandy on the cake like you said. It didn't turn out very well so I binned it," Remus said. Sirius couldn't help but frown. He loved chocolate trifle with cherry brandy. "I brought you this in hopes that you'll forgive me for not listening to you and ruining your pudding." Remus held out a drink for Sirius to take.

"I'm forgiven for the turkey?" Sirius asked, and Remus's eye crinkled as he smiled and nodded. "And this drink has gin in it?"

"Naturally."

"All right," Sirius said, taking the drink from Remus. He lifted his head a bit to take a sip, and then set it on the floor next to the couch. Remus took a sip of his own and then put it on the side table.

With a groan, Remus crawled on top of Sirius and lay down on him. "I'm tired, Padfoot," Remus said, as Sirius traced small circles on his back. "The day was a complete wank."

Sirius puffed out a small laugh. "I was thinking the exact same thing a few moments ago."

"Sorry your Christmas was crap," Remus said, turning his head and resting his chin on Sirius's chest so he could look him in the eyes.

" _Our_ Christmas was crap and it doesn't matter as long as it's always that. Ours."

"Imagine that, we are thinking the same way again." Remus slid up Sirius's body and kissed him slowly on the mouth.

"At any rate, in twenty years we'll talk about this Christmas and how awful it was. We'll call it the 'Lupin Family Folly'."

Remus chortled. "When did you take my name? Did I miss that part?"

"No, I just figured Lupin is the majority name in the family, so that's what we would call it. If you want, we can say 'Black's Christmas Cock-Up' instead." Sirius lifted his head to kiss Remus again.

"You get all the blame then?" Remus said, cupping his cheek.

"No. Well…maybe only half. The batteries and the turkey were pretty bad," Sirius conceded.

"Muggle toys," Remus laughed. "I don't know what you were thinking." Before Sirius could express his indignation, Remus added, "But I loved that you tried. Who gets the other half of the blame by the way?"

"Teddy gets a quarter for being sick. Not that the little sod can help it, but I must tack some on him so he feels part of the crap Christmas in the years to come. And you get a quarter for ruining my trifle." Sirius poked Remus in the side, making him squirm and laugh.

"What? A whole quarter over a trifle?" he yelped.

"You should have listened to me. I was right," Sirius said, continuing to assault Remus with his fingers. Remus squirming on top of him felt good. He could already feel his cock pushing on his jeans.

"Ha! The one time you were right about anything regarding food," Remus said, trying to push Sirius's hands away.

"Ha, ha! Is right!" Sirius said triumphantly. He gave up tickling Remus and squeezed his arms around him tightly and kissed him again.

This time they didn't stop kissing. Sirius rocked his hips up against Remus, his desire clear. Remus moaned in agreement, licking Sirius's lips before sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Sirius moved his hands between them, unbuttoning Remus's shirt. Sirius began to wriggle to move down Remus's body. He intended to blow his performance from this morning out of the water.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, pressing his thigh between Sirius's legs and adding lovely pressure to his hard cock.

"I'm going to suck your cock," Sirius said, trying to move again.

"No, kissing. I want kissing. I don't want that right now," Remus said, angling for Sirius's mouth.

"Funny," Sirius said. "That's all I ever want. Your mouth on my cock or you know, mine on yours. I'm not picky."

"Maybe later, but now," Remus said, burying his hands in Sirius's hair, "more kissing."

If that's what Moony wanted, then that's exactly what Sirius would give to him. He brought his mouth to Remus's once again, kissing deeper and more passionately. He flicked his tongue in that way that made Remus moan, and nibbled on his lips in that way that made Remus grind his hips against him.

Sirius's palmed Remus's cock over his trousers, feeling its thick length. He moved his hand to Remus's belt, pulling it open, then undid the buttons and began to tug impatiently on his trousers and pants.

Remus moaned at his cock being freed and rubbed it against Sirius's still jean-clad one.

Remus rocked back on his knees and began making quick work of Sirius's flies. Sirius looked up at him, running his hands over his chest and rubbing his nipples with the pads of his thumbs. The fairy-lights from the tree on the other side of the couch glowed behind Remus. With his shirt half open, his trousers around his thighs, his hair a little mussed, and the shadows of the dim room highlighting the wrinkles around his soft brown eyes, Remus looked gorgeous.

Sirius couldn't resist the urge to reach up and cup his jaw. How many times had they done this? Hundreds, possibly thousands? He was sure they'd achieved numbers in the hundreds their sixth year alone. But they were much, _much_ older now, over twice the age they were then, and they couldn't shag every five minutes, though Sirius wouldn't turn down trying. No matter. Half a lifetime ago or today, as two young or two old— well, _older_ —men, Remus rising above him and pulling down his pants was still a sight that took his breath away.

"God, Moony. No one loves you like I love you," Sirius said earnestly.

"I should hope not," Remus replied dryly. "Your cock is the only one I'm interested in. If someone tried to love me like you do, they'd be in for a rude surprise."

"Wanker," Sirius said, slapping Remus's arse.

"You know it," Remus replied, and lay down on Sirius to kiss him again.

Sirius dug his fingers into the round firm flesh of Remus's arse, holding him down as he rolled his hips against him. Their cocks slid together with sweet friction.

Sirius tried to spread his legs wider to accommodate them better, but the damn, stupid sofa was too narrow and he couldn't reach his wand to fix it.

"Moony," Sirius said against Remus's mouth. "Sit up and rub your arse on my cock till I come."

"That's what you want?"

"Yes, god, yes. I want you to stroke your cock while you rub me, come all over my belly. Cover me in your come."

Remus sat up on his knees again, firmly sitting on Sirius's cock, rubbing it in his crevice. He began to rock back and forth, stroking himself with the same rhythm. Sirius held his narrow hips, pushing and rolling his own in time with Remus.

He looked up and was once again taken with the sight of Remus above him. "God, this feels good. God, you're gorgeous. God, this is the best Christmas ever," Sirius proclaimed.

"Black's Christmas Cock-Up, my arse," Remus said wryly.

"Up your arse indeed," Sirius moaned, pushing himself harder against Remus. "God! I want to come." Sirius arched his back and squeezed his eyes closed in desperation.

Remus chuckled but began to move faster.

Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus stroking his cock quickly. The head of his cock pushing through his hand with each long stroke down, and disappearing again when his fist came up.

Faster he stroked, and just as the first wave of release shot through Sirius, he saw Remus coming too, onto the dark path of hair on his belly. Sirius groaned, holding Remus down as he came on his arse, and Remus came on him. He could feel the warm, wetness across his balls and dripping down his thighs. His belly was covered, as well as Remus's hand.

Remus fell onto Sirius as if he was entirely boneless, breathing heavily. Sirius could feel both of their hearts beating against his chest. Sirius held Remus close. He could feel the cooling come sliding down his sides and off of his stomach.

"I think we got some on the sofa," Remus said lightly. "That's never easy to get out."

Sirius felt a more than satisfied grin slide across his face and said, "Does that mean I can buy a new sofa?"


End file.
